Insanity

Tonight me and my wife will begin the Insanity workout program (made by the same company that does P90X). I might just be insane for thinking she can handle it. I'm no Mr. Universe, but at least I have been highly active for most of the past 18 months and my muscles at least can recall their former fitness, even if it takes a couple of workouts. My wife on the other hand has not really worked out in a few years and I am afraid she's gonna get discouraged by the pain. Because it's gonna hurt for a while. But I am glad that she has committed to doing this with me. So I will try to blog about our workouts and let everyone know how we are doing. Tonight is just a fitness test - there are 4 total that we will take over the next 60 days to see how we progress - so we will see what we are starting off with. Wish us luck!

Every man for himself

Thank you to all who responded to my poll. It seems that the overwhelming majority of you fear rejection the most. I find that fits very well into my personal hypothesis that the one thing humans want more than anything else is to feel wanted. We crave human interaction, even when we push away from others out of anger, or pain. I think many of our other fears (not all) stem from this. Take public speaking for example, we fear this only because we fear really what others may think of us. We cannot stand being rejected by a whole crowd of people at once. This is what I really want to explore in the book I am working on. Would we seek companionship over survival? Or would we fend for ourselves at the expense of others?

Playground equipment

What's the difference between a dad and a jungle gym? Nothing! Being a good dad definitely involves sacrificing some back health and enduring some eye gouges. There are some days where I feel more like a pack mule than a human being. And of course the kids never get tired of it because they are only doing 1/4 of the work I am doing, so they just keep coming back and asking for more and more and more. I know why the first playground was invented. A group of fathers got together and desperately thought up a way to spare their few remaining healthy joints from the onslaught of their children. Why not sic our children on inanimate objects that feel no pain?! That's a great idea! And then let's slowly indoctrinate our wives over the next couple of generations to think that it is their responsibility to take the kids to the park. I love it!
Here's another thought: what was it like to play with Heavenly Father as His spirit children? Was there a spirit playground? Or a spirit world version of Inflatable Wonderland? And I know He's God after all but I still cannot imagine how He could get out from under a dog-pile of 7 billion boys. And how many times did He yell at us for throwing asteroids at our sisters (or harps, halos, whatever you want to imagine Heaven as containing)? I don't know. If I am supposed to be a better parent, it might help to know how the big Guy does it.

As a side note - have you ever wondered why some species eat their young?

What to do?

The weather outside is too nice to be sitting inside typing on my blog. But here I am listening to Third Eye Blind and "singing" along. I really need to get in the right frame of mind to work on my novel but I am too restless right now. I even have my daughter's furniture drying in the garage and will need to put a second coat on in about an hour. I really need to devote some time every day to writing, but I am usually so wasted from work and I feel guilty if I do not spend as much time as possible with my family. AAAAHHH!!! There are so many things that I want to be doing at once that I end up being useless and lazy. I guess prioritizing and procrastinating are cousins who have had a falling out.

Children

My children are a huge part of my life and tonight I had one of those really rewarding evenings that come along every now and then and remind me just how great my kids are and how much I love them. I have a son who is turning 3 in a month and a daughter who is 4. Usually our son is the more happy-go-lucky of the two while our daughter can really have her emotional ups and downs. Which is not to say that she gets in more trouble. On the contrary, she is usually more obedient, the problem lies in that she can be harder to deal with because she gets more emotionally involved than our son does and she lacks the expressive powers to explain to us how she really feels. So usually it is just a big guessing game as to what is going on in her head and heart and both parties get frustrated. Yesterday evening was a real case in point. I will spare the details, but it should suffice to say that I was angry because she was acting up and I could not understand how to get her to calm down, and I was angry on top of that because I did not want to feel angry at her just before our usual "good-night" routine, which is typically full of reading books in my lap, hugs and kisses and "I-love-yous". Well, it was done and we went about our day today. Tonight though, she was acting very sweet, she at all her dinner, and because I felt bad for being so angry last night, I felt she earned some ice cream from Dairy Queen. So just me and her went out and shared a mint-oreo blizzard. It was the best experience I have had in a long time with her. We sat right next to each other and she wanted me to hold her because she was cold. She has been asking me a lot lately if I have ever gone through the experiences she is going through now (I think it helps her to know that someone before her has survived a splinter in the hand) and she asked me tonight, "When you were a little girl, did you snuggle with someone and eat ice cream?" (Yes, she said "girl". She doesn't quite have gender titles down yet) Anyway, we just sat for a good 30 minutes just holding each other and talking about whatever. Then we got home and she then drew a very happy picture for me of her and her friend eating lollipops and holding balloons under a sunny sky next to a very rad car. These are the things that give me hope. Hope that my children will grow up happy. That they will know their parents love them and did the best we could for them and they will proud of us, rather than ashamed. But most of all, these are the kinds of things that make life worth living.

Thank you

First of all I need to thank everyone who has already visited this site and taken part in the poll and/or posted a comment. Please come back from time to time and see what else I have posted.
I am currently working on a novel and spent the last two hours or so typing. All I managed to produce was about two pages! I think I am too much of a perfectionist and instead of just letting the ideas flow onto the "paper" I continually dam up the river and try to correct everything before I even type it out. I find myself doing this right now. It took me about 2 minutes to type the last two sentences. I do not know what professionals do, if there is such a thing as a correct way to be creative. But as I said yesterday, I am just starting to warm up and stretch my writing muscles. Things will likely get faster and smoother before long.
I am now a member of the NRA (and yes, I am "gun-toting"). But I have some mixed feelings about this because all my life growing up in as liberal town as I did, people who belonged to groups like the NRA were labeled less than favorably. I'm a religious, right-wing, nut-job. I carry around semi-automatic weapons to church and a Bible to the hunting grounds. Not really, of course, but I feel like I have suddenly slapped that label on my forehead by joining the NRA. As I usually do I worry what others think and grow defiant in the face of ridicule, whether real or perceived. The simple fact is though that I have gained a real love for guns and want to learn more about them and gain more in my possession. I think they are fun. I think they serve a real purpose and can be a great sport as well as a great tool. And I hope to raise a family that respects them and uses them.
Anyway, my son wants to shoot his Nerf guns with me right now, so I need to close this post. Au revoir!

First Time Blogging!

Admittedly, I am way behind the times when it comes to technology and pop-culture in spite of my younger age. I know about trends and fads, but rarely subscribe to anything I deem excessive or asinine, or just plain pointless. I tend to be old-fashioned in my views and habits. I only started texting about a year ago. So, as anyone who knows me can attest, this blog is quite the virgin territory for me. I honestly feel so exposed by doing this. Ironically, this is what I intend to do. I wish to gain some exposure to the literary world. I have always felt I was a strong writer in school. That was where I excelled. But I never seriously thought of pursuing it as a hobby, much less as a career, until recently. I really feel the pull to do something creative with my life. I cannot stand being micromanaged, or really managed much at all for that matter, as most jobs would have me be. That is not to say that I refuse to do an honest day's work, I simply prefer to do it on my own terms. And I need to let my creativity flow.
As my blog description states, I have neglected my inner artist for so long that it has become a puny, worthless, lump in my soul. It sometimes begs to be used but pressures of work and family life tend to drown out its pleading voice. But days are only 24 hours long and life is simply a matter of priorities. Therefore, I have made it a priority to establish this outlet. Unfortunately, for those of you who come on board with me from the beginning, you will get some rather crappy material for a while. But, I am hoping that with time I can change from a wimp to a literary Hercules. I would be lying if I did not hope to eventually make (a little) money as an author. But I am an optimistic realist and understand that bills have to be paid and bellies filled, or else marriages and family relations become strained. So, with the support of family and in as much free time as I can make, I am beginning my career as a writer. Wish me luck!

P.S.
I post polls at the top of my page in order to gather ideas for writings. Please participate in those. It is one small tool I think I can use to gauge the minds of humanity.